Going Deeper in Marriage

Every marriage has moments when you know something needs attention.

Sometimes you know exactly what the problem is. Sometimes you keep having the same argument without ever quite understanding why. Sometimes you love one another deeply, but find yourselves caught in patterns that neither of you seems able to change, and sometimes nothing is particularly wrong — you simply know that your marriage could be deeper, healthier and more alive than it is.

Going Deeper in Marriage is designed for couples who want to explore those things together.

It is an intensive combination of Sozo, counselling and coaching, created to help couples understand what is happening in their relationship, discover what may be underneath it, and find a way forward together.

Why go deeper?

Most couples learn how to live together, but learning how to live together isn’t necessarily the same as learning how to understand one another.

We each bring our own history into marriage, our childhoods, experiences, expectations and fears. Our ways of dealing with conflict; our understanding of ourselves, one another and God.

Sometimes those things fit together beautifully, sometimes they collide, and sometimes the things causing difficulty in a marriage are not really about the immediate issue at all.

Going Deeper in Marriage creates space to discover what is really going on beneath the surface.

More than simply talking about the problem

Talking can be enormously helpful, but sometimes talking about the problem simply means having the same conversation again and again.

Going Deeper combines three complementary approaches:

Sozo

Prayer and relationship with God, using the Sozo tools to help uncover things that may be affecting your relationship with God, yourself or one another.

Counselling

A safe place to explore experiences, emotions, patterns and relationships, and to understand more clearly what may be happening between you.

Coaching

Helping you look forward as well as back — identifying what you want your marriage to become and finding practical ways of moving towards it.

Together, these provide a broader approach than any one of them could provide on its own.

God is part of the relationship

For us, marriage isn’t simply about two people trying to make a relationship work. God is part of the picture. That’s why Sozo is an important part of Going Deeper in Marriage.

Rather than simply asking: “What do we think is going wrong?” we can also ask: “Father God, what do You want us to know?”

Sometimes the things that emerge through prayer are exactly the things that need to be addressed; sometimes they provide a completely different perspective on something the couple has been struggling with and sometimes they lead to a freedom neither person expected.

What might we explore?

Every couple is different, so there isn’t a fixed list of problems that Going Deeper is designed to solve.

You may be struggling with communication. You may find yourselves caught in recurring conflict. You may have difficulty understanding one another. You may be carrying hurts from the past. You may have different expectations about marriage. You may have lost something of the closeness you once enjoyed.

Or perhaps you simply want to understand one another more deeply and strengthen what you already have. The point isn’t to fit your marriage into a particular model.

It’s to discover what is happening in your marriage and what God wants for you both.

A safe place to be honest

Going deeper requires honesty. That doesn’t mean blame. It doesn’t mean deciding who is right and who is wrong. And it certainly doesn’t mean finding someone to blame for everything that has gone wrong.

It means creating enough safety for both of you to say what you really think and feel, to listen to one another, and to discover what may be underneath the things you find difficult.

Sometimes that can be uncomfortable. But it can also be enormously freeing.

Looking forward as well as back

Understanding where patterns come from is valuable, but understanding them isn’t the end of the journey.

What do you want your marriage to become? What would you like to be different? What would you like to enjoy more of? How would you like to communicate? How would you like to handle conflict? What kind of husband or wife do you want to become?

And what does God have to say about the marriage you are building?

The coaching element of Going Deeper helps turn those discoveries into practical steps forward.

You don’t have to be in crisis

Going Deeper in Marriage isn’t only for couples whose marriage is in serious difficulty.

You may be doing reasonably well but recognise that there is more. You may have reached a point where you want to stop repeating the same patterns. You may simply want to invest deliberately in your marriage.

You don’t have to wait until things are falling apart before you go deeper.

What about Sozo for Couples?

Sozo for Couples and Going Deeper in Marriage are related, but they aren’t the same thing.

Sozo for Couples enables a couple to receive Sozo together, after each person has first received an individual Sozo. Going Deeper in Marriage is broader. It combines Sozo, counselling and coaching, allowing us to explore your marriage from several complementary perspectives.

If you’re not sure which would be right for you, talk to us. We’d rather help you find the right doorway than persuade you through the wrong one.

What about Marriage Lived God’s Way?

Marriage Lived God’s Way is our marriage weekend event. It is different from Going Deeper in Marriage and has its own particular purpose. Going Deeper is an intensive opportunity for a couple to work specifically on their own relationship through Sozo, counselling and coaching.

We’ll tell you more about Marriage Lived God’s Way separately.

Is Going Deeper right for us?

Perhaps you know exactly what you want to work on, or maybe you’ve simply reached the point where you know something needs to change. Perhaps you’re not quite sure what you need, but you know you want more from your marriage.

You don’t have to diagnose yourselves before you contact us.

Start where you are.

We’ll listen, talk it through with you and help you decide whether Going Deeper in Marriage is the right doorway.

Your marriage is worth going deeper

A good marriage doesn’t happen simply because two people love one another. It grows as two people learn to understand one another, deal honestly with what gets in the way, seek God together and choose to keep growing.

Sometimes that happens naturally. Sometimes we need some help.

Going Deeper in Marriage is an invitation to take that step.